Mental Breakdown

So beberapa hari yang lalu, aku rasa kosong sangat. Macam ada benda yang tak kena.

Aku buat semua benda macam biasa aje. Tapi baru aku teringat aku dah lama tak mengaji Al Quran.

Ye. Aku mengaku benda tu. Aku rasa dah lebih sebulan aku tinggal and rasa bersalah sangat. Sebab well, kau tau la kan. Dekat twitter mostly banyak sentuh pasal baca Al Quran baca Al Quran and aku selalu mcm hah ok ok camtu je.

Ya rabb  teruknya aku. Itulah yang aku fikir time tu.

And lepas solat Isyak wak tu malam tu, tetiba aku rasa mcm oklah jom kita baca Al Quran sekarang. Aku tak terus je baca, aku belek belek pastu baca tafsir dia. And then waktu nak carik the last tanda yg aku letak sebelum ni. Tak jumpa.

I guess my sister accidentally tertarik tanda tu waktu dia pinjam sekejap dalam 2 minggu lepas. So aku random ajelah belek belek Al Quran.

Tetiba memang time aku stop belek tu. Terbukak dekat muka surat Surah At Taubat. Yg memang drpd ayat pertama punya. So I clearly saw AT-TAUBAT and aku punya hati rasa macam. Entahlah tak tau nak explain macam mana. Tapi memang rasa mcm Allahuakbar...

Well, memang surah At Taubat tu ada cerita dia sendiri tapi entahlah. Aku rasa mcm Allah nak kasi petunjuk suruh aku taubat. Hm..

Aku harap sangat lepasni aku takkan tinggal Al Quran dah. Semoga aku istiqamah. InshaAllah.

Terima kasih sangat Ya Allah.

Doakan aku istiqamah ok? And semoga kita semua berada di dalam kalangan orang yang beriman nanti inshaAllah.

Muslimah Thingies

I am not a pious muslim. Yes, I am a muslim but I am not a really good one. And it is really hard knowing that others are expecting that my friends and I who are in "that" class are so nice, discipline and perfect like honey what?

We are humans! And we make mistakes too!

I am glad that people now trying to accept for who we really are lol. Yes, some are expecting us to be better than others so we can actually be an example to others and so they can improve themselves as well. But hey, we dont have to be perfect if we want to advise people- right?

I believe that someone who is trying to be better every time is the right person to advise others.

"Jangan sibuk jaga tepi kain orang boleh?"

"Macam lah kau perfect sangat"

"Itu urusan aku dengan Allah."

Aippp. Kita ni manusia hakak. Memang kewajipan kita untuk saling menegur antara satu sama lain. Saya pun buat dosa hakak. Semua org ada buat dosa besar dia sendiri. Takde manusia yang perfect.

"Habistu dah tau diri tak perfect sibuk nk tegur orang kenapa?"

Lah. Kalau nak tunggu orang perfect tegur awak tu, awak nak tunggu nabi datang ke baru nak insaf.

Kita ni hidup tak lama. Kalau kau rasa pedih dengan apa yg orang tegur, kau terasa semua. Bersyukur la. Berterima kasih dekat Allah swt banyak banyak sbb tu maknanya hati kau masih ada rasa nak berubah. Tak hitam.

Tapi, kalau yg menegur pun masukkan lah dalam diri sekali. Jangan sibuk mengamuk mcm orang gila cakap kat orang jangan bercouple tapi awak tu bercouple. Aipppp ni bukan pasal bukan semua org perfect ok. Ni pasal kita pun kena la belajar drpd kesilapan dan masukkan dalam hati sekali nasihat yg kita kasi kat orang tu. Biar kita sama sama masuk syurga. Okay?

Hahahah i was supposed to talk about something else but I wrote about other topic eheheheh. Ok lah if there were some mistakes on my statement, please do not hesitate to comment or directly contact me so I am NOT gonna live with ajaran sesat and we all can correct each others.

Okay! Assalamualaikum

Expect less.

Assalamualaikum.

Everyone was born with different abilities. A likes Physics and she is really good at it. B hates Physics but she is really good at sports. See?

Do not expect too much just because they are placed in good classes. Im getting exhausted honestly, listening to the people saying

"I never thought you guys are like this."

" You guys dont make any difference with the other classes."

"Its not that hard why cant you understand? It just a basic. You guys arent as clever as I expect."

Well. 

DONT EXPECT TOO MUCH. 

Some people just stay there, cause they had to. Not because they wanted to. 

"Its already written by God. Accept it!"

Oh and yes, kebanyakannya dah redha. But thats why you got to understand. Some people didnt want to be here at first cause they werent really confident with their abilities. So we all actually NEED to help them by guiding them slowly but effectively. 

Jangan nak laju je. 

Okay bye.

Good bye

My fish died today. And you know what worst? When everyone blamed you for it.

"Dosa tau. Tak jaga dia elok elok"

"Memang salah Asmaa pun"

I took care of "Lay" (dont get me wrong, he was laying his body all the time on the first month I took care of him) since last year. And we've been through a lot of things together actually.

"Ikan je kot. Chill la."

Ikan je memang la ikan.
Tahu? Ikan tu la yang sedih sampai aku merayu mintak ibu belikan cacing beku so dia happy balik.
Tapi terkasi banyak and perut dia mcm pregnant. Besar sangat.
Lepastu kau berlari keluarkan balik cacing2 yg dia belum makan dalam tu. Menangis depan dia ckp sorry sebab tak tau. Bukak yasin sebelah tank air dia. Ikan je pun?

Ikan ni la yang hampir mati sebab tertukar temperature air yg buat dia terkejut sampai aku menangis (lagi) and dia end up terbangun balik?

Ikan ni la yang waktu aku nak exam, mesti cakap bye bye dekat dia dulu mintak restu.

Ikan ni la yang time aku tengah sedih, duduk depan dia and dia akan swim depan aku and tengok aku macam

"Jangan lah sedih."

I know. I've been ignoring him these few weeks and yes put all the blame on me. Tapi tak payahlah cakap aku ni memang jahat sangat dera dia la mcm aku baru jaga dia seminggu.

Kalau engkau rasa aku ni memang tak pernah kisah pasal dia. Kenapa engkau sibuk kisah pasal tu and tak pulak kisah pasal ikan tu? Like actually help me take care of him together?

"Tu ikan kau kan."

Hey, the cat was yours at first but we ended up taking care of him together.

Aku tahu memang aku berdosa sebab tak jaga dia elok elok beberapa minggu ni and yes memang aku rasa bersalah sangat. Fikirkan nanti dekat akhirat macam mana kalau dia soal aku?

"Kenapa tak jaga aku elok elok?"

Lay. Aku mintak maaf sangat aku tak dapat jadi owner yang baik. I love you like so much. Ever since the first day we met. Waktu tu everyone was in rush so ibu ckp amik je memana. And that time I saw you and I was like.

"Nak itu. Yang itu taknak yang lain."

Walaupun time tu memang kau dah tak aktif, warna pun dah tak lawa mana. Aku rasa aku boleh jaga kau kasi kau happy balik.

Aku fail ke?

Aku mintak maaf. Aku tahu aku salah and aku sedih. Tapi janganlah sampai nak cakap lagi benda yang menyakitkan hati. Aku pun ada perasaan jugak.


Lay aku mintak maaf sangat-sangat.

Tapi waktu kau mati tu, aku rasa lega sikit walaupun maybe kau mati sebab dalaman. Tapi fizikal kau elok. Cantik. Mata kau mcm ada sparkle color biru, ekor kau cantik lepastu siap ada line hijau berkilat lagi yang baru keluar yang memang selama ni tak pernah ada tapi bila mati ada. Aku harap sangat kau mati dengan tenang. I love you dan maafkan aku.

I heard Miley's song Pablo the Blowfish and I was curious why she was so emotional singing a song about her dead fish? Now I am understand.

Ampunkanlah dosa aku Lay. Aku sayang kau.

A normal human being

Assalamualaikum everyone and happy iftar! Others are still eating chicken rice my mum made and here I am sitting in the living room's couch. Okay moving on.

Im not going to say much but can I ask you something? Do you have feelings? Does it hurt when someone says you are ugly? Or does it okay when a person you like the most like someone else? Or maybe a person you thought your bestfriend claimed other person as her bestfriend? Or even in the simplest thing such as knowing other people choosing someone else first before you.

Daaaah. We all have things that hurt us and sometimes we do things that hurt others.

But is that mean that we are allowed to hurt others? I never meant to hurt anyone but I know I've always hurt people. I want to apologize.

I am really sorry.

Chef Remaja anjuran Maggi 2013

Assalamualaikum! Nampak tak nama tu? Tahu apa yg mmg buat aku bengang gila bila dapat majalah? Sebab dia tulis Pertandingan Memasak Megi. I was like "bapak diaaa" hahahahaha.

Ok move on im cool im cool i forgive you an anonymous school editor -_-

So, on 2013. Petaling Perdana sent our school to present the "zone"? Sebab on 2012 or 2011 Im not really sure, our school students made to the 3rd place on peringkat Selangor. So dia hantar lagi sekolah utk wakilkan lagi.

I watched the show on tv when I was twelve. Pernah tengok? Cause I've watched it and I was really hoping for it like "Ok when I get into the secondary school, I'll join this competition!" Cause my interested on cooking was really highhhhh.

One day, Puan Rohana (my lovely KH teacher) serius mmg baik gila suggested Dayana, Ismul and me to join the competition. I wasnt sure why cause I never told her about my interest on cooking but she suggested us and a teacher who was supposed to train us asked us like-

"Korang ni memang boleh masak ke?" She asked

"Boleh la kot." One of us (i think)

"Boleh masak apa?" She asked again

"Cikgu nak saya masak apa?" I answered kahkahkah

It was a spontaneous answer sisss. Sebab time tu mmg excited benor nak masuk pertandingan tu.

So we trained for around 4-5 days. And we even stayed a night in a homestay there sebab the teachers takut nanti tak sempat nak pergi sana awal pagi sebab jauh jugak dari Shah Alam. Tak ingat kat mana.

Mula-mula cikgu tu mintak Ismul yang masakkan ayam and I was supposed to make the vegetable dish and I was like taknakkkkk saya tak retiii nak masak masak sayurrr. Nak masak ayam hahahaha.  So tu la hasil 3 orang murid dan 2 orang cikgu yang kreatif hurhur. 

Masa kitorang tinggal dekat homestay tu. I said to dayana "kalau kita tak menang ni. Memang aku rasa aku akan rasa bersalah dekat cikgu-cikgu and the school too I think sbb they spent a lot of money for us and cikgu ni dah banyak dah habiskan masa diorang ajar kita walaupun sekejap."

I never aimed for anything. Tu je yang aku cakap. But hasilnyaaaaa.

2nd place pun bolehhhh. Alhamdulillah! Memang tak fikir lansung pasal menang kalah. Just masak je sebab entahlah I guess I was really into it so I just prepared the chicken grill, helped my friends and then done. Here we go!

So memang happy la. Pengacara dia cakap satu satu sekolah yang dapat saguhati and we were holding our hands really tightttttt. Takut sis takut. Pastu nama sekolah tak disebut and the teachers were really happyyyy. Waktu naik atas pentas, we were just expecting for 3rd place kahkah pastu dpt 2nd so mmg it was one of my best day sis. 

On 2014, PK Koku tanya nak masuk lagi ke and kitorang macam mestilah nak. Tapi takde rezeki sbb cikgu lain pulak yg conduct and they chose their own students so it would be easier. Nahhh takde rezeki nak buat mcm mana. At least, we got the chance and we made ittttt. 

Walaupun bengang dengan budak budak yg gelak sbb igt kitorang menang masak meggi. K. K. 

I wrote this post sebab nampak dayana posted this hahahaha. Ok byeeee

PT3 2014

Assalamualaikum! Last year, my batch 99's was surprised by the government with PT3. Waktu form 1, kementerian pendidikan kata, okay there will be no PMR, just PBS. So for 2 years, we spent our days with soooo many PBS, PBS and PBS. Tiba-tiba dalam bulan April 2014 camtu. Pt3 cakap hi. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Kalau exam biasa like PMR. Boleh redha lagi la. Tapi, the teachers told us that there would be a new format for PT3.

Example: Essays, KBAT and no objective questions anymore.

Of course, benda ni if we do a lot of preparation. We can do it la kan. Tapi waktu tu dalam 6 bulan lagi nak exam so memamg time tu chaos betul.

Tapi ada good news jugak time tu. Contohnya, sejarah and geografi. I wasnt really good at those 2 subjects so bila dapat tau yang dia mmg akan amik markah dari kerja khusus I was sooo fuhhhhh. Serius, kerja khusus dia memang akan melenguhkan tangan kau, memenatkan kau (carik isi merata tempat) but kalau kau buat bersungguh-sungguh memang berbaloi la!

Ingat lagi, waktu tu. Almost 80% of PT3 students around Shah Alam serang PPAS nak carik isi dekat sana. Memang time tu sesak gila la library tu dgn budak form 3 mencari isi. Pastu library tu offer, siapa nak isi utk kerja khusus sejarah dengan geografi. Dia boleh kasi bayar dalam rm14 camtu kot kalau dua dua.

Time tu memang honestly aku bengang gila. Weh. Dia kata, okay harini punya memang dah habis tapi siapa nak boleh tulis nama and then amik esok. So I wrote my name and went home. Time tu ada jumpa jugak isi dkt buku-buku library tapi fotostat dah tutup so fikir esok je la buat. Tapi esoknya fotostat dah habis ink, nama yg kasi semalam tu jadi useless. Diorang tak pakai pun. They just gave all those copies to anyone who came first. Memang piss off gila la time tu. Siapa tak wei. Tapi dalam pukul 5, akhirnya sampai jugakkk. Tapi boleh amik satu set je, dia kata kalau kawan nak fotostat sendiri dekat tempat lain.

Benda tu banyak isi. Tapi I didnt use a lot from it cuma bila ada satu helaian kat belakang. Dia suruh tulis senarai bahan-bahan. Dapat la markah lebih sikit dari situ. So yeah it helped.

Okay, waktu PT3 pulak. On the first day, I forgot to bring my ID card. (DONT FORGET TO BRING YOUR ID CARD SERIOUSLY) So I ran to the school office to get a slip. Nasib kena bayar seringgit je. Siapa tak bawak waktu hari kedua kena bayar RM2 and makin lama makin naik haha. Cikgu bengang sebab they didnt take it seriously la kot.

I was doing pretty well for bm, bi and etc. Tapi bila hari exam sains. I was like asdfghjkl. Muslim students mostly akan duduk kat surau. And I was one of the students who stayed there. Waktu Sains, memang jantung tu macam nak jatuh. Cause my other friends were discussing about Science and I didnt know any of them. Memang serem. I prepared but not really well honestly.

Alya : eh Amoeba makan apa
Dayana : dia makan xjelxeja
Alya : hah betul lah lupa pulak.
Me : ....

Aqilah : Vena pulmonari dekat sini kan.
Puteri : Haah dekat situ. Kalau arteri dekat sini.
Me : ....

Teruk kan?

Waktu exam memang bukak je exam paper. I was like Astaghfirullahalazim ampunkanlah dosaku.

Soalan KBAT dapat lah aku jawab. Yang based on text book. ASTAGHFIRULLAHALAZIM.
Tapi alhamdulillah bukan aku sorang tak dpt jawab hahahahahaha.

Balik rumah. Dekat twitter memang PT3 students maki hamun habisan pasal sains (lol) So, adik adik. Hafallah, fahamilah Sains. Tolong la. Haha.

Lepastu, semua dah relax. Main dan main dan main. Pastu, tibalah masanyaaa dapat result. Bukan gred. Tapi real result, kau dapat kertas dia, the exact marks.  Time tu la kalau kau nak berdebat dengan cikgu asal kau salah aka waktu kau nak bergaduh la dengan cikgu-cikgu kau.

Aku takdelah gaduh. Sebab memang dah redha. Just lepas amik. Tambah balik semua. And then kira betul ke tak la markah yg ada kat depan.

Datang je sekolah, my classmates saw me and dtg serbu like

"weh kau tau? Farhanah dapat 95! Bapak ah!"

Terkejut tu memang. Tapi redha jela time tu. Macam biar ah rezeki dia la tu. Haha. Waktu tu, tengah SPM so utk PT3 students, memang dia letak bangunan belakang sekali tu supaya tak mengganggu. Setiap kelas satu subjek.

Nak amik bm dulu, tapi sebab ramai sangat. I went to Mathematic's teachers dulu. My math teacher wasnt there so I was like okayyy. Pastu bila tengok mark dia. Macam "Woah ni memang kertas aku ke?" I got 86! Hehe. Happy la. Selama ni tak pernah dpt A kot.

First exam, dapat 64 and I was reallyyyy sad sbb my other friends semua dapat tinggi tinggi. Tapi sebenarnya teacher salah kasi markah. Kurang 10 markah haha. So lepas check balik dapat mcm 14 markah kot teacher tu salah tanda hahha so dpt 78 and I was happy gila haha. Sampai my other classmates mcm "Bapak ah minah ni datang jumpa teacher lagi." Lol.

Second exam, it was the worst. I got 46. Memang time tu, dengan tak sempat siap. Careless berjuta. Tapi memang redha time tu.

Third exam (the last one before PT3) dapat la 70 and I was glad. My teacher even whatsapp-ed me. Dah hilang la screenshot tuu. What I remembered, she said

"Improvement. Not an A but if you work harder, inshaAllah you will get an A"

So memang happy betul dpt 86. Rasa macam nak lari jumpa teacher and show to her proudly. Dah la time exam PT3 math. I cried. Aqilah who was sitting infront of me macam

"Kau pehal?"

"First time aku siap semua math wehhh." I answered. Hahaha emo beno.

Yang lain tu. Okay la. Bahasa Arab memang tak tersangka sbb essay Arab tu I was doing it while laughing. Sebab memang tak ingat essay Arab yg I memorized. So hentam jela.

My mother likes me being a doctor
My father likes me being a doctor.
I want to help the poor people.

Memang ayat lawak lawak je la. Tapi dpt 15/20 so memang terkejut.

Lepas dah amik marks semua. Tetiba gempar dengan gred PT3. Semua memang melalak la time tu. Time tu, i was eating lunch in terengganu (holiday) pastu bila bukak phone-

Huwaaaaaaaaa. Sains waaaaa mampuhhh.

okay dah panjang sangat la. Cerita result je la eh. So this is what I got!

Hah. Kidding. Belum habis lagi tu.

Sains E. Haha. Redhaaaaaa. 

So my thought about PT3? Benda ni memang la bagus, tapi sepatutnya kasi lebih preparation la kot. Tapi past is in the pasttttt. 

Okay dah  byeee.

Tasbih.

We are so busy with our own lives that we forgetting the other creatures who are living in the same planet with us, the nature.

I went to KAA motivation camp which wasnt that good at first but it wasnt that bad at last. Hahaha. Banyak sangat kot benda yang rasa macam ya allah ampunkanlah dosaku sebab ada pemikiran nak cekik orang Ya Allah.

Ye la! What do you expect? I told them not to do nasyid sebab there would be nobody singing and we would just embarassing ourselves infront of people for the malam kebudayaan but they still wanted it and we were all doing the exact thing I said. We were all in mess. Tapi, Aiman said move on dah lepas. Yeah yeah memanglah. Kau takde effect apa pun hishh.

Okay stop about it. Yeah I was furious after that thing ended but its fine now. Takde dendam dendam kan semua. Love love okay? Ampunkan sayaaa ya.

Ha. Ni nak cerita waktu pergi sana. 2 pagi kitorang bangun. Time breakfast la. Pukul 4 pagi tu takde apa lagi. We woke up with this.

Seronok kann. Cakap subhanallah cepat!

Oh pastu waktu hari last, semua orang tangkap gambar view dari atas tu. Tengok ni ha.

semua nak tangkap gambar view dia. Bukan senang kot nak naik sampai atas ni. Yelah. Daki bukit ni nak masuk tempat Kem Harap Redha ni (nama pun dah boleh faham) lagi penat dari jungle trekking and etc. Serious!

Oh and this was the picture I got a chance to snap. I was fascinated with the clouds though. Lawa sangat. And seriously, benda ni bawak kesedaran. Tempat ni kalau nak aku ckp jujur. Memang takde la mewah apa. Toilet pam pun takde. Tapi bila tengok balik. Sebenarya makin kita majukan bumi kita, makin tersorok atau memang hilang keindahan dia. 

Summertime Sadness? Lol

Assalamualaikum! June is almost over and Idk why Im still missing this-one-friend after all these years. Entahlah. Nak kata tak move on. I did move on kot. Tapi maybe sebab that friend was one of the best people that ever came to my life so memang rindu la kan.

Dah la harini tetiba bukak rpw yang dah bertahun tak bukak tu. Aqilah asked me to mess around in kcr group and I was like "Sure! Why not" but then nobody cared and we both gave up hahaha. We are rusty dah kot tu yang dah tak laku hurhur. Hah. That was the reason I kind of missing him today? Well, memang dulu kita bertiga, mess around dekat kcr tu. Membodohkan diri lebih lebih hahaha. So sbb kuasa 2 je sekarang bukan kuasa 3. Tu yang lembik je ni hahaahaha.

He brought joys in my life but sadly he took all that away before leaving me and only gave me memories. Sialan kau ni haha. Thats okay la. Its Ramadhan now, and yes I forgive you already. Tapi, i dont really think you care if I do or not kan. So yeaaah. Move on.

Soo, 1st June was my sweet 16 birthday! I wasnt expecting much but it was a wonderful day since there were people who cared about me more that I expected since they were willing to spend time with me or at least gave some not typical wishes which were really sweet. Thank you! Nah satu gambar.

Oh oh. Nampak cake comel tu? Hahaha. My mum made it for me and we decorated it together. Comel kan.

Yelah dengan bermacam propaganda dunia ni sekejap halal sekejap tak. Mum ended up making her own cake. She even tried her best to make it as what I wished for and it was really cuteee. Chocolate cake filled with chocolate ice cream and lots lots of chocolateeee. ((We both are chocolate maniacs kot))

Okay la bye! 

Hello!

I had a blog before when I was, IDK 9? 10?
But it was full of dramas for a 9-year-old kid so I am starting a new one lol.
(I keep my old blog as private tho so i could read it to give some motivation like you-were-dumbo-now-you-are-better kind of motivation.

I am not hoping for any viewers or etc, it just I need a place to write something when I get time to spend. So let have a nice introduction shall we eh?

My name is Asmaa' and I am 16 years old. Hii!